A Hater’s Guide To Ripping On Aaron Rodgers

Aaron Rodgers is possibly, maybe even probably, the best quarterback ever to play the game.

Naturally, fans of other quarterbacks will be jealous.

So what can they do, knowing that they cheer for a clearly inferior quarterback, yet not secure enough to be able to accept that something totally beyond their control isn’t going the way they want it to?

Luckily for them, there’s a clearly-defined script to follow on trying to make it seem like Aaron Rodgers isn’t as good as he obviously is.

Start with the highly-effective “Ringz” argument. If Aaron Rodgers is “so good,” how come he “only” has one ring?

This argument is a great start, because it also slights former Packers great Brett Favre – never mind what it says about Dan Marino. A nice add-on argument here is to add in that even Cade McNown went to one Super Bowl (if the person you’re arguing with says that McNown lost in his one Super Bowl appearance that he was carried to by his defense and possibly the greatest return man of all time, just pretend you didn’t hear them or that it’s an irrelevant part of the debate).

Once you’ve started talking about “ringz,” people will probably point out that football is a team sport. Of course it is. Football is the most complex team sport in the world and the outcome of each game is determined in part by over 100 players and dozens of coaches. Hopefully, whoever you’re arguing with won’t realize this.

If they do, it’s worth doubling down on this nonsense and just throwing Tom Brady into the discussion early.

Sometimes, people will bring up how Brady’s defenses performed. Cast aside the fact that his defenses held record-breaking offenses to record low scoring in Super Bowls and dig up some advanced analytics that have no bearing on the outcome of the game to throw at them.

Don’t know what DVOA stands for or how to calculate it? Doesn’t matter, it’s a number – call it proof!

At this point in the conversation, people may bring up all the cheating that Brady and the Patriots did to get those “ringz”.

Ignore all the evidence and corroborating stories proving they cheated and cast aside the NFL punishments and refer to some homer articles from Patriots fans about how it’s been proven that it’s physically impossible for the Patriots to have cheated.

Before those articles can be discredited, bring up that Brady also won with the Buccaneers.

Hopefully, they won’t bring up the fact that the Buccaneers were a historically stacked team of all stars that stayed incredibly healthy and leaned on their defense while Brady threw three second half interceptions in the NFCCG.

If they do, then you should call Aaron Rodgers a choker and bring up some obscure record about road games against teams with that had a record above .500 going into the game when trailing in the last 2 minutes and 47 seconds by between 2 and 9 points and… I know it sounds ludicrous, but we gotta find some straws to grasp at to keep this insane argument going and there’s not really much basis to grasp onto.

People will start to go through why this stat is ridiculous (there’s actually a whole article that tears apart this lunacy), but that’s not a problem – just interrupt whatever they’re saying before they can make a point and starting talking about how many playoff games Rodgers lost.

Now, this is where you’re really ready to turn the screws. People will predictably point out that Aaron Rodgers’s defenses have given up more points than any other team in recent playoff history.

“So what?” You should say incredulously. If he’s so good, he should have scored more.

Then whip up a smug alpha-male smirk and hope they cower back.

They might not give up at that point. Some people will point out that he did more than his fair share and he’s one of the highest-rated quarterbacks of all time. That’s your cue to say none of that matters, only the playoffs matter. Bring up his record in NFCCGs (just hope that they don’t see the article that shows how good Rodgers actually played in his playoff losses).

They’ll probably show you that Aaron Rodgers is one of the highest-rated playoff quarterbacks ever. Keep pushing the envelope and say it’s just about Super Bowls.

Fans who watch football will probably point out that Aaron Rodgers turned in what most analysts accept as the single greatest Super Bowl performance of all time for a quarterback in his lone appearance.

You have a couple options here. The most effective counters are “Yeah, but he only went to one!” or “No he didn’t!”

Whichever one you choose, just be ready to quickly pivot.

Now is the time to look for a stat from your quarterback. For example, Matt Stafford was the fastest player to reach 20,000 yards passing and Tim Tebow threw more touchdowns as a rookie than Aaron Rodgers did.

If Aaron Rodgers is so good, why didn’t he do those things, huh!?

Oh boy, you’re really cooking now!

At this point, someone will probably point out all the things that Rodgers did that your favorite quarterback didn’t do.

Then what?

At some point, you have to cut your losses. When all your stupid arguments have been exhausted, you’ll know you’re wrong.

But that doesn’t mean you have to admit!

Some of the most successful comebacks I’ve seen at this stage include:

  • “You’re just a casual! Lolz”
  • “Well, if you actually watched football, you’d know.”
  • “Homer!”

If those fail, just post a gif of Tom Brady wearing his Super Bowl rings. That will bring your ridiculous argument full circle – now you’ve really got ’em!

It’s just a matter of time before you wear them out and they stop trying to talk sense into you.

This means you get to feel superior and pretend you’ve won the argument.

Congratulations!

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