What It’s Like To Talk Football With Patriots Fans

Bears Fan: So you really think LaFleur can do it?

Packers Fan: I think so, that and Rodgers getting healthy again.

Patriots Fan: There you go again making excuses for your sorry quarterback!

Packers Fan: What? Where did you even come from?

Patriots Fan 2: You never stop talking about us!

Bears Fan: But, we weren’t ta-

Patriots Fan: Yeah, rent free!

Packers Fan: But I was just talking about my quarterback

Patriots Fan: Yeah, your gay quarterback! *high fives Patriots Fan 2*

Packers Fan: I don’t think he’s really gay, that rumor started when-

Patriots Fan 2: He’s gay – I read it on the internet!

Bears Fan: So, why would that even matter?

Patriots Fan: It doesn’t matter!

Patriots Fan 2: Yeah, cause Brady is the GOAT!

Patriots Fan: No discussion!

Packers Fan: Why would he be the GOAT? Look at this Rodgers highlight film – Brady can’t do any of that.

Patriots Fan: Yeah, whatever, running around like an idiot and throwing a bunch pretty passes into tight windows don’t mean nothing!

Packers Fan: But throwing the football is the quarterbacks’ job.

Patriots Fan 2: No it’s not, winning is!

Patriots Fan 2: Yeah, and no one does it more than the Patriots – uh, I mean Tom Brady!

Packers Fan: Yeah, but they play in the AFC East.

Patriots Fan: The AFC East is tough!

Bears Fan: They’ve only had two wild card teams in the last 8 years?

Patriots Fan: Yeah, that’s because we beat them all!

Bears Fan: But you only play them twice a yea-

Patriots Fan 2: Shut up, hater!

Patriots Fan: Yeah, hater! Patriots are the best of all-time no team has ever done this! Tom Brady’s the GOAT!

Packers Fan: So you think Brady is better than Rodgers because he wins more?

Patriots Fan: Yeah, Brady’s a winner – your stupid quarterback only has one ring!

Bears Fan: Winning is a team achievement, there’s-

Patriots Fan 2: Shut up, Trubisky sucks!

Patriots Fan: Yeah, Brady has the rings to prove he’s the best!

Patriots Fan 2: Yeah, ringsz! Cry!

Bears Fan: That doesn’t make sense, though. Super Bowl wins are team achievements, every game has over 100 players and dozens of coaches in-

Patriots Fan 2: Nope, it’s just one guy – Tom Brady!

Bears Fan: But he had the number 1 or 2 defense for-

Patriots Fan: Yup, championships are what matter – and no one has as many as Tom!

Patriots Fan 2: Yeah, great quarterbacks rise to the occasion – Brady proves it every time!

Packers Fan: What about the times he lost?

Patriots Fan: You’re so stupid.

Patriots Fan 2: Yeah! You’re so stupid, he’s still been to more championships than anyone else of all time!

Browns Fan: Well what about Otto Graham? He went to like 10 straight championship games.

Patriots Fan: That doesn’t count, the Patriots didn’t even have a team then!

Browns Fan: So “all time” only includes the time since the Patriots were founded?

Patriots Fan: It’s about Super Bowls, dummy, we won 3 Super Bowls in 4 years – that makes Brady the GOAT!

Cowboys Fan: We won 3 Super Bowls in 4 years, too – does that make Aikman GOAT, too?

Patriots Fan 2: No, they had Emmitt Smith!

Cowboys Fan: The Patriots had James White the last time the Patriots won, he set a record for most points scored, he had 3 rushing touchdown, including the game winner.

Patriots Fan 2: Yeah, because of Brady!

Cowboys Fan: So the running backs are good because of the quarterback?

Patriots Fan: Well duh!

Cowboys Fan: Then wouldn’t that mean that Emmitt Smith was only good because of Troy Aikman? Wouldn’t Aikman then be the reason they won three championships in four years?

Patriots Fan 2: No! Just shut up, that doesn’t prove anything! Brady is going to his third championship in a row!

Bills Fan: Jim Kelly went to four in a row.

Patriots Fan: Yeah, but he didn’t win any!

Patriots Fan 2: Yeah, Jim Kelly sucks, fanboy! The Patriots are the best and it’s all Tom Brady – he carries the franchise and no other team has ever done what they’ve done!

Bills Fan: But y-

Patriots Fan: Yeah, back to back titles! That’s the best – no team has ever won three championships in a row!

Packers Fan: What are you talking about? The Packers won 3 championships in a row, they actually did it twice, that probab-

Patriots Fan: That doesn’t count, they weren’t Super Bowls!

Packers Fan: Well the last two were.

Patriots Fan 2: Yeah, but they weren’t all Super Bowls so it doesn’t count!

Packers Fan: So when you say “all time,” you really just mean “Super Bowl era”?

Patriots Fan: That is all time, moron!

Bears Fan: No it’s not, the NFL started like 40 years before th-

Patriots Fan: The Super Bowl era is all that matters – you were playing against farmers and dentists and the rules were different and it was a lot easier to win!

Packers Fan: Then why didn’t Patriots win all those titles?

Patriots Fan 2: Shut up, you took like 50 years to win 4 Super Bowls!

Steelers Fan: Well we won 4 Super Bowls in 6 years, that should count for something, right?

Patriots Fan: No, we won 5 Super Bowls! That’s an amazing run for 17 years – no one else ever did that!

49ers Fan: Actually, we won 5 in 13 years.

Patriots Fan: Yeah but you used two quarterbacks! Brady has been the only constant in the Patriots success!

49ers Fan: What about Bill Belichick? He’s been there for all the winning, too. Some people say he’s the best coach of all t-

Patriots Fan 2: No, Brady did it all by himself!

49ers Fan: What about when Malcolm Butl-

Patriots Fan: Malcolm Butler sucks! He was inspired to win by Tom Brady!

Patriots Fan 2: Yeah! Brady did it all by himself!

49ers Fan: All by himself? Really?

Patriots Fan: Yeah! And he never, ever cheated!

1 thought on “What It’s Like To Talk Football With Patriots Fans”

  1. That’s hilarious. Pats fans are idiots.

    I pointed out some facts to them on a message board, and they attacked John Elway (I am a Denver fan). They said that he is way overrated (even though he carried three bad teams to the SB all by himself with an outdated offensive scheme), and he kept Vance Johnson and Mark Jackson out of the Hall of Fame (I wish I was kidding when I say that, but I’m not).

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